Ends Up in 3.

still thinking on what just happened. a life event that ends up exactly three months, didn’t thought of this coming.

 

we were friends, close friends to be specific where we also didn’t expect that we would fall for each other. I really felt the love from him, and i know it was real. we still act like friends but with a twist in front of the people around us and also to each other. we were so happy to be with each other like there is no tomorrow for us to be happy. WAGAS ang kaligayahan.. until we reached our second month, I didn’t thought that there are some people who don’t want to be us, jealousy, insecurities maybe why they question our relationship. I stood up for US, but the negative thoughts they’re giving me is eating me piece by piece where I somewhat also question our relationship. I’m too weak to hide it from him and I told that to him. And THAT WAS MY BIGGEST MISTAKE.

I know it hurts for him not to trust our relationship to last forever and also question his love for me. After that, there’s no show from him, told me that he can’t stop thinking about what I said. I apologized to him because I know it’s my fault why he’s being like that. Yes, we see each other, talk through the phone but not like the past months. Still blaming myself, can’t stop thinking about him, didn’t know what to do, I lost control in reality for the whole month, and then I received a message from him that he is now ready to talk one on one. I was so scared, while reading that message, I already felt the pain that he was going to break up with me, but I said to myself positive thinking, we’re going to talk to fix what happened.

When that day came, I was so nervous, keeping myself calm even though I can’t. I’m so scared losing him. Random thoughts in my head until it all turned into blank when he said direct to the point, “Ayoko na.” that line kept playing in my head where I completely don’t understand why. I asked him that and he just said that because of what I said to him last month, he gives up. I can’t speak, all of my thoughts was just in my head. I don’t want to lose him. We can still fix it and be with each other again. The reason was too unacceptable for me why he’s giving up on us that easy. I don’t understand. I told him that I’m still fighting, and I can’t fight without him, he just told me to stop because he’s done, he already stopped and also moved on, and he wants me to do the same and then he left me alone where we were. WHY?! How can he moved on that fast?

Some of my friends accompany me after that, they told me to move on like what he just told me, but how can I do that if I love him that much and I can’t let him go? then there I knew some information that I don’t know if I will believe on it or not. I need confirmed information desperately.

I still want to talk to him, confront him if I may about what I’m hearing, but I can’t. But still I asked him to talk again with me alone even without the confirmed truths. I want to hear it again from him why and he just told me the same things. I was mad, but took control of it somehow and didn’t told him what information I knew. I’m not violent like the others, I’m not going to hurt anyone or what, I just need the information from them so I can clear my mind and stop. I know I lost control of myself because of wanting to know the truth desperately but didn’t thought that I already hurt a lot of people, innocent people because of it.

The information was confirmed and somewhat completes me. I knew he wasn’t that kind of person, it was just my fault to hurt him that much. I told all the people around me that I’m sorry. I’m just hoping that they’ll forgive me, mostly for that one person, that innocent person I still don’t know.

This part of my life seems to be the hardest to accept, the wound is so deep, sagad to the bones. It hurts because a big part of me was taken, but I still need to move on even though incomplete. Well, maybe someday. We end up being friends again, but not like the old times. Live my life again but not like the good times. I may encounter a lot of haters, but I can’t blame them, it’s my fault and I know what I did wrong, and I don’t have any intentions to let it happen again. Lesson learned, never repeat a bad history. Past is past.

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sinner

“People make mistakes.”

this is the line where I don’t know the true meaning of it until now.

I’ve been taught good things, but never thought of using it in bad ways.

don’t ask for c…

don’t ask for credits if you’re not part of it.

you were just an audience, watch us do all of the requirements, tell us you can’t be part of the team because you’re <this> and at the end, you want to claim your “credits”, like you had the biggest percentage of doing it? oh com’on! you got to be kidding me. what an eish!! don’t even bother joining OUR party.

 

sorry readers, but I just can’t help myself, I need to let this out before I really blow out with everything. I know it is not good to judge, but I really can’t help myself comment and question a really bad thing with a freaking bad attitude.

the boy who …

  • text you good morning
  • play guitar
  • take you to the beach
  • will love you forever
  • is like a brother to you
  • sing to you love songs
  • lend you his coat
  • have late night calls with you
  • sing just the way you are for you
  • fall for you
  • always can make you laugh
  • will always be on your side
  • look at you and smile
  • take you out for a nice lunch
  • lift you up
  • always smile
  • is athletic
  • will not hurt you
  • accepts your imperfections
  • can talk with you for hours
  • will always be there for you
  • write you love letters
  • is true to you
  • needs you
  • have the same sense of humor as you do
  • can feel your pain
  • surprise you
  • can be serious
  • watch movies with you
  • kiss you on your cheek
  • write you a love song
  • hold your hand/s
  • is the reason you smile
  • can play piano
  • kiss you in the rain
  • don’t smoke
  • complete you
  • hold your hand while he drive
  • is your biggest hero
  • have true feelings for you
  • watch you while you sleep
  • love long lasting relationship
  • hug you from behind
  • is funny
  • sing you to sleep
  • watch the skyline with you
  • remember the little things about you
  • like to take pictures with you
  • make you some food
  • can cook
  • will never cheat on you
  • remind you how much he love you
  • kiss you good night
  • can’t stay mad at you
  • play with your fingers
  • don’t act differently when he’s with his friends
  • let you lie on his shoulder
  • text you first
  • want to protect you
  • lie with you and forget the world
  • have a pretty heart
  • is cool to hang out with
  • worry about you
  • call you beautiful
  • have faith in you
  • have stupid but funny jokes
  • light up your world
  • is spontaneous
  • care about your feelings
  • whisper something sweet
  • start the conversation
  • wear bracelets
  • will never let you go
  • wear v-neck shirts
  • you can trust for 100%
  • make you feel safe
  • can sing
  • make cute faces
  • make you laugh
  • is intelligent
  • kiss you spontaneously
  • do pillow fights with you
  • always have fun with you
  • give you some flowers
  • keep you warm
  • will wait for you
  • take you out for a night walk
  • want to go travel with you
  • watch Disney movies with you
  • carry you
  • have a soft and sensitive side
  • got your back
  • believe in God
  • think about you
  • like the same music as you
  • hold you when you cry
  • walk you home
  • will pray for you
  • make your day, everyday
  • wrestle with you and let you win
  • will run away with you
  • like to travel
  • tell his friends he’s in love
  • take you out for a picnic
  • randomly call you just to say “I love you”
  • cuddle you for no reason
  • watch the sunset with you
  • teach you how to play guitar
  • will never break his promises
  • press you against him
  • give you cute nicknames
  • talk about ‘forever’
  • walk you home at night
  • always smell good
  • play with your hair
  • will listen to your stories
  • don’t want to lose you
  • is good with kids
  • want to carry you
  • take you out for a romantic date
  • dance with you
  • watch the stars with you
  • is taller than you
  • hold you tight
  • kiss you on your forehead
  • tell you everything will be okay
  • make pinky promises
  • is romantic
  • love photography
  • help you with your homework

a girl that would die to meet one. the boy who love her just the way she is. are you that boy? 🙂