I miss you

a challenging thing about having a relationship or should i say with love is that you really wanted to be with your partner at all time. Insanely in love with each other, can’t exist without him/her, like, who cares?! I’m in love, I’m insanely in with this person.

Someone who makes you happy since the day you guys met, and still have that happiness between you two in ups and/or downs. You’ve been best friends, been with each other for years already and now took that kind of friendship to the next level. This may be a good thing and/or a bad thing, why? it’s a good thing because, you already know who’s going to be the person you’re going to be with, already know how to make things work because you know each other because you are best friends, but the bad news is, you’ll end up as best friends only.

but positive energy, hey! I love him…no matter what he is.

MAYBE … Yes. :3

MAYBE … Yes. :3

I’ve been listening to songs and music, and most of them were violin instrumental. Why violin? well, let me share it to you by a “short” story…

we had a midterm requirement at SOCIO2 last month, an Audio-Visual Presentation (AVP) all about marriage. At that time, I was absent and my group decided that I’m going to be the “bride”, well, for me it’s okay…it’s just that, the number one question that pop up to my head was, who is going to be the “groom”?? so, I just let it be a surprise :))

weeks later … at our Ethics class, we didn’t do anything special but something I’m very interested, just watched a movie that is related to our topic. after few minutes watching, we were about to have our quiz, until one of my friends, Jasper, played Chirtina Perri’s A thousand years in front of the whole class with his violin. At that moment, looking at him and listening to what he was playing, I seriously had goose bumps. I listened to one those kind of covers in youtube, but listening to it live, it was amazing, it was beautiful. I confess that I feel in love with the music. and then, I was shocked that it was already the “proposal” day of our group where I didn’t have anything to say but smile, laugh and SURPRISED! XD

anyway, since that day, I fell in love with violins and wanted to learn how to play one. I asked Jasper to help me with it, and he agreed. 🙂 since then, I’ve been listening and downloading instrumental violin covers around youtube, where I met Jun Curry Ahn or should I say, Jun Sung Ahn, Bryson Andres and Daniel Jang. Check out their covers on their Youtube channels. 🙂

Just Playing Around

A friend of mine puts on her eyeliner and told me to take a picture of her. A simple picture taking of her eyes turned out to be a somewhat photo shoot just outside the room. I even played with it so, here’s the result.

my apologies to not good photo, I’m not a photographer. v(^_^)v

Do or Die

Our last game, the last game with the champions last school year. It’s really making me nervous by the status of it, have this battle with the “Undefeated Champs” like woah .. I don’t know if I can do this. but still, hopes up! we’ll play clean, be humble during the game and do everything we can just to win.

but somehow, it’s really disappointing to know and see how the other team plays. it hurts to see some of your team is getting hurt physically by not doing anything to them. but what can we do? we cannot play like them, we just have to protect ourselves from their evil schemes. this is not a war to kill each other, it’s a game that we need to play fairly. v(^_^)v

but wait! in this picture, no one is to blame. a stupid finger position of me to steal the ball .. and I think I don’t need to elaborate what happened. I just thank God for that I’m okay and I hope and pray for my fractured finger to get better soon 🙂 and also thank my team and friends for being with me, accompany me after the game. I love you guys! :* 😀

Ends Up in 3.

still thinking on what just happened. a life event that ends up exactly three months, didn’t thought of this coming.

 

we were friends, close friends to be specific where we also didn’t expect that we would fall for each other. I really felt the love from him, and i know it was real. we still act like friends but with a twist in front of the people around us and also to each other. we were so happy to be with each other like there is no tomorrow for us to be happy. WAGAS ang kaligayahan.. until we reached our second month, I didn’t thought that there are some people who don’t want to be us, jealousy, insecurities maybe why they question our relationship. I stood up for US, but the negative thoughts they’re giving me is eating me piece by piece where I somewhat also question our relationship. I’m too weak to hide it from him and I told that to him. And THAT WAS MY BIGGEST MISTAKE.

I know it hurts for him not to trust our relationship to last forever and also question his love for me. After that, there’s no show from him, told me that he can’t stop thinking about what I said. I apologized to him because I know it’s my fault why he’s being like that. Yes, we see each other, talk through the phone but not like the past months. Still blaming myself, can’t stop thinking about him, didn’t know what to do, I lost control in reality for the whole month, and then I received a message from him that he is now ready to talk one on one. I was so scared, while reading that message, I already felt the pain that he was going to break up with me, but I said to myself positive thinking, we’re going to talk to fix what happened.

When that day came, I was so nervous, keeping myself calm even though I can’t. I’m so scared losing him. Random thoughts in my head until it all turned into blank when he said direct to the point, “Ayoko na.” that line kept playing in my head where I completely don’t understand why. I asked him that and he just said that because of what I said to him last month, he gives up. I can’t speak, all of my thoughts was just in my head. I don’t want to lose him. We can still fix it and be with each other again. The reason was too unacceptable for me why he’s giving up on us that easy. I don’t understand. I told him that I’m still fighting, and I can’t fight without him, he just told me to stop because he’s done, he already stopped and also moved on, and he wants me to do the same and then he left me alone where we were. WHY?! How can he moved on that fast?

Some of my friends accompany me after that, they told me to move on like what he just told me, but how can I do that if I love him that much and I can’t let him go? then there I knew some information that I don’t know if I will believe on it or not. I need confirmed information desperately.

I still want to talk to him, confront him if I may about what I’m hearing, but I can’t. But still I asked him to talk again with me alone even without the confirmed truths. I want to hear it again from him why and he just told me the same things. I was mad, but took control of it somehow and didn’t told him what information I knew. I’m not violent like the others, I’m not going to hurt anyone or what, I just need the information from them so I can clear my mind and stop. I know I lost control of myself because of wanting to know the truth desperately but didn’t thought that I already hurt a lot of people, innocent people because of it.

The information was confirmed and somewhat completes me. I knew he wasn’t that kind of person, it was just my fault to hurt him that much. I told all the people around me that I’m sorry. I’m just hoping that they’ll forgive me, mostly for that one person, that innocent person I still don’t know.

This part of my life seems to be the hardest to accept, the wound is so deep, sagad to the bones. It hurts because a big part of me was taken, but I still need to move on even though incomplete. Well, maybe someday. We end up being friends again, but not like the old times. Live my life again but not like the good times. I may encounter a lot of haters, but I can’t blame them, it’s my fault and I know what I did wrong, and I don’t have any intentions to let it happen again. Lesson learned, never repeat a bad history. Past is past.